| |
GM3YEW > HUMOUR 15.03.22 08:20l 199 Lines 6127 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 27678_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST
Subj: Jokes 15/3
Path: ON0AR<OZ5BBS<CX2SA<EA2RCF<LU9DCE<GB7YEW
Sent: 220315/0709Z 27678@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
Every wind has its weather!
---
Thanks Colin.
Put on your mask! It saved a friend's life. He was in the pub with his
girlfriend and his wife didn't recognise him.
----
Thoughts -
1. Two crocodiles were sunning themselves on a sandbank. One said, "I
could cry for Meghan."
--
A bloke, we'll call him Alan was walking down the
Street when he was accosted by a particularly
Dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him
For a couple of quid for dinner.
Alan took out his wallet, extracted a tenner and
Asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it
instead?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" Alan asked.
"No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need
Everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course
Instead of food?" Alan asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't
Played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red
Light district instead of food?" Alan asked.
"What disease is worth getting for ten lousy quid?"
Exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said Alan, "I'm not going to give you the
Money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner
cooked by my
Partner, Jane."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't she be furious with you for
Doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
Alan replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see what a man looks like
who's given up beer, gambling, golf and sex."
Irritation
----------
There was once a movie entitled, "How to Irritate People." It is obviously
The employee training film at my local bank.
Politician
----------
The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone
Rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened.
When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good
News.
"Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!"
"Honestly?"
The politician's smiled faded. "Aw, Ma, why bring that up at a time like
This?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64
Charge. I Gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the
Money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favour.
She became indignant and informed me she was Educated and
Knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the
Money back, same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.
They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon
For a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked
Over at a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.' 'They're
Already buy-one-get-one-free,' she said, 'so I guess they're both free'
She Handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.
They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------------
One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when
One of them shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked Up at the
Sky and said 'Where'?
They Walk Among Us!
-------------------------------------
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real Estate
Agent which direction was north because, he explained, he
Didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun
Rise in the north?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the
East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh I don't keep
Up with all that stuff.'
They Walk Among Us!!
----------------------------------
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call centre.
One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the
Call centre was open. I told him, 'The number you dialled is open 24 hours
A day, 7 days a week.' He responded, 'Is that Eastern or Pacific time?'
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, 'Uh, Pacific.'
They Walk Among Us!
---------------------------------------
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut
Through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the
Boot.
They Walk Among Us!
---------------------------------------------
My friends and I were buying beer and noticed that the cases were
discounted 10½
Since it was a big party, we bought 4 cases
The cashier multiplied 4 times 10*nd gave us a 40-iscount.\
They Walk Among Us!
----------------------------------------
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I
Went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags
Never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a
Trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, has
Your plane arrived yet?
They Walk Among Us!
--------------------------------------------
While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man Ordering a
Small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he
Would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time
Before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry
Enough to eat 6 pieces.'\
Yep,
They Walk Among Us!
They Walk Among Us,
And they Reproduce,
And Worst of all
THEY VOTE
-----------------
A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?'
The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children
and so was all mankind made.'
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered,
'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the
human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mum, how is it
possible that
you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed
from monkeys?'
The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about
my side of the family and your father told you about his.'
---
Best Wishes
Dave
Read previous mail | Read next mail
| |
